Do you ever talk about your fantasies?

Sexual fantasies can seem a little taboo and somewhat embarrassing if you’ve never discussed them before.

Being honest that you have fantasies you’d like to try out in a role play scenario may seem like admitting that there’s something wrong in your relationship, that your partner is not enough to satisfy you exactly the way they are.

Hollywood paints a picture of the ideal love being the one where sparks fly during the “meet cute” and you fall in love instantly (whether you know it yet or not). If you’re not perfectly sexually compatible from day one, if you don’t have ten orgasms a day until your late seventies (and even then you’re only slowing it down to five a day because of the heart medication) then you’ve made a terrible mistake in choosing your loved one.

Reality alert: That’s not the case for many couples. If you don’t have an orgasm the first time you go all the way, it doesn’t mean that you’re incompatible.

Likewise, if it turns out your partner’s been harbouring sexual fantasies about you in a nurse’s uniform (even though you’re a bus driver) it doesn’t mean they’re not happy with their relationship.

If you’re the one with sexual fantasies and you’re anxious to tell your loved one, then you need to know a few facts:

everyone has sexual fantasies (even your partner)

It’s completely normal and natural. While so much emphasis is put on downstairs, it’s actually your brain that’s the main driver of your libido, especially among women. That’s why men like to watch porn and women love reading 50 Shades of Gray. Imagining the scenario can sometimes be more thrilling than playing it out in real life.

having sexual fantasies doesn’t mean you have a problem

There are lots of fantasies that people have that don’t reflect what they would want to do in real life. If you’re intrigued by the thought of a man in a uniform, it doesn’t mean that you want to go and have an affair with the local bobby on the beat – It could be that you’d like to see your husband with a fireman’s helmet on or imagine him in a position of authority.

talking about sexual fantasies can bring you closer together

By talking about sexual fantasies, it means that you’re showing vulnerability with your partner and they’ll feel more comfortable discussing theirs in turn. Whether you decide to act them out together or just chat about it doesn’t matter. Simply revealing a little more about your hidden self-increases intimacy.

performing your sexual fantasies can bring playfulness into the bedroom

Perhaps your sex life has gone a bit stale and you’re looking for ways to perk it up. Investing in some sexy lingerie or a few toys and accessories can make sex feel less like a chore to be got through and more like playtime. Ordering few games from My Love Bunny together and waiting for the (discreetly packaged – We don’t want the postman knowing what you’ve been up to!) goodies to arrive can make it more of an adventure.

role play is a great way to transition from everyday life into your sex-life

Acting in different roles can be a way to try out a fantasy in a fun way. When you’re stressed out by family life and all the different hats you have to wear as chief cook, cleaner and bottle washer, what’s another?

It feels hard to let go of your everyday self when you’ve had a stressful time in the office, you’re late handing a report and you’ve got a presentation to do first thing. All these demands make you feel owned by other things.

But by imagining you’re another person in another scenario, you can relinquish all your other responsibilities to have some quality time at night.

tips for opening up to your partner:

tell them it’s just a conversation

Fantasies differ from person to person, and by revealing yours, you may get an uneasy response – But if you outline that it’s not something you necessarily want to try today, your partner will be better able to listen with an open mind.

ask them if they have any fantasies

Get them to share their fantasy too – Since a relationship consists of two people, it’s only fair. You may be surprised to learn they have things they’ve thought about and it may inspire you both to try something brand new.

listen and don’t judge

Not everyone will share your fantasy, and that’s okay. If you have a fantasy that seems a little disturbing to your partner, it doesn’t mean you need therapy, it just means they’re not comfortable with that particular scenario, in which case, you can save it for when you’re by yourself.

get consent

In all things, it’s important you know exactly where the other person stands, and that it’s okay for them to change their mind. It could be that you have a safe word to stop when something is getting too intense.

Sharing your fantasies is a great way to learn about each other’s desires and what makes you both tick. It’s also a way of nurturing a safe, intimate space in the relationship.

We hope you got some ideas from this article. If you’re feeling inspired, don’t forget to check out our selection of costumes, toys and games for your next bedroom adventure.