Make your sex life exciting after menopause

Here at My Love Bunny, it’s all about feeling comfortable being you.

That means this is a safe space to know that anything goes – We want you to relish your sexual side, whatever your stage you’re at in life.

That’s why in this article, I’ve decided to put one topic out there that often gets side-lined.

the menopause

If you’re not already experiencing it, it’s inevitable once you get to 40s and 50s (if you’re a woman, that is!).

While the menopause can often cause physical discomfort, such as night sweats, hot flushes and insomnia as well as psychological conditions such as depression and mood swings, the biggest issue with the menopause is the stigma around it.

At school, we had to endure embarrassing videos and watch teachers squirm attempting to deliver a matter-of-fact precis of the mechanics of puberty, but no-one ever tells school girls about what life means after marriage and babies.

It’s as though early motherhood is the pinnacle of female existence and what happens thereafter is left for you to figure out.

Thankfully, we’re a lot more open about sex in general, these days, and it won’t be long before we can abolish the stigma of age and menopause for good. For now, I’ll say it loud and clear so everyone can hear:

• The menopause is a completely normal and acceptable part of womanhood.
• There’s no shame in this phase of our lives, and it doesn’t make you less of a woman.
• Going through the menopause doesn’t mean you’re old and past the point of satisfying sex life.

so, what do we know about the menopause?

Menopause tends to affect woman from mid-40s to early 50s, but 5% of women will start to have menopause symptoms before that, including 1% of women under 40.

how does menopause affect your sex life?

The menopause is a drop in hormones, especially oestrogen and progesterone, the ones responsible for reproduction. As they decrease, women may find that they feel like having sex less and less. It also means that sex may cause physical pain.

The saddest part is that these two issues can stop women having sex altogether, which leads to less intimacy in a relationship. A national survey carried out in the US found that over half of women between 57-73 no longer bothered with sex.

Yet it needn’t be the case. There’s lots you can do to reclaim your bedroom as a saucy boudoir.

looking after the physical symptoms

There’s no getting away from the fact there are sometimes physical limitations that come with the menopause. The good news is these are manageable.

medical treatment

Doctors can recommend treatments to treat vaginal dryness and thinning of the vaginal walls, which leads to a drop sensitivity downstairs. The treatment could be HRT or an oestrogen cream.

lubricants

Lubricants and massage oils can help increase the sensations around your vagina and make sex less painful. They’re also used to massage other parts of your body if you want to feel more playful and experimental to encourage other forms intimacy than penetrative sex.

sex toy and vibrators

While you might shy away from a vibrator in case you’re worried your partner might take it as a slight on his or her sexual prowess, there is some evidence to suggest that using a vibrator over three months may help with vaginal lubrication and sensitivity. It doesn’t mean you have to sneak to the bathroom or wait for your partner to drop off to sleep, either. They can get involved, turning it into an act of intimacy in its own right.

taking time for self-care

A loss of libido may not be down to vaginal issues alone. The menopause can dramatically affect your sleep quality, not least because of night sweats. Self-care is essential for riding the waves of the menopause and staying happy.

take time to get your eight hours

Not everyone nods off as soon as their head touches the pillow. That means you need buffer time to get rested before you fall asleep. Then you want some extra time in case you wake up in the night. If a hot flush wakes you up, then have a cool spray handy. It’s a good idea to swap the quilt for layers of sheets and wear a cool nightie too.

get out for exercise

Exercising during the day helps you sleep better and can also improve low mood. Additionally, it helps you keep your weight in the healthy range so you can cope better with hot flushes and boost your body confidence.

taking care of your relationship and emotions

When the menopause gets you down, a problem shared is a problem halved. It’s not just women who experience it – The lack of fun in the bedroom department can impact our partners too. Men cite lack of sleep for the main reason their partners don’t feel like intimacy.

talk to your loved one

Because we don’t talk about it very often, your partner may feel uncomfortable bringing it up unless you do. If you feel a lack of desire, then be honest about it.

Telling them about what you’re going through helps them feel less rejected.

If you’re not feeling connected any more in general, opening up means you can find ways to fix it, for example, by couples counselling or visiting a sex therapist.

have fun in other ways

There are many ways to feel close to a partner, and this could be a time to experiment with role play, sex toys and oral sex. If you’re used to doing things in a certain way, then it could be the excitement has disappeared. Novelty often rejuvenates a lacklustre sex-life.

find ways to reconnect

Reliving the moments from when you first started dating or when you were newly-weds can help reignite the initial sparks. This could mean visiting a favourite restaurant or engaging in a pastime you used to enjoy together before kids and bills took over your waking thoughts.

get your partner to take on some of the housework

Women are renowned for running around after everyone else and putting their own needs last. This starts when they’re new mums and continues throughout their lives. It’s easy to forget that you’re an attractive sexual person when there’s so much on your to-do list. The menopause starves women of necessary sleep. Cooking, cleaning, looking after children and older parents in the day-time on top of insomnia can take a toll on your life in the bedroom. Getting help with these responsibilities can help put you back in the mood for sex.

don’t forget to hug

It’s not just the sex that suffers as a relationship matures. Other forms of intimacy take a dive too. Because hugging and kissing often lead to more, women shy away from showing affection at all. This is where you have to communicate and put some boundaries in place.

Tell your partner how you’re feeling, that you’re not comfortable with sex right now, but you’d still like to be affectionate without the pressure of going all the way. Therefore, your closeness needn’t suffer and you may find you actually want to go further.

Here at My Love Bunny we want to help you find your sexy self, whatever stage in your life you’re at. Why not browse products that will help you rekindle those fireworks?