Sexiness in the bedroom starts outside

Lots of women struggle with body confidence in a world where perfect celebrity pics are now plastered everywhere – Not only on the supermarket magazine shelves but in the comfort of our own homes as well.

As we’re sat at home scrolling Facebook and Instagram, it’s not unusual for some “influencer” to pop up adorning set of abs or an ample derriere.

The message is: “You’re not enough, not like this person.”

This powerful messaging is enough to change how you think of yourself consciously or unconsciously.

You could write this off as “Yes, this model/fitness trainer/celebrity is attractive, but it’s her job to be for her work. She spends seventy hours a day in the gym sculpting the perfect physique while her super expensive nanny ferries the kids to their clubs, and her home chef prepares perfectly calorie-balanced meals.”

But then, it happens – The worst Facebook post of all: You see your friend who’s just started Slimming World posting her “Before and after” images.

Your inner critic pipes up: “Well, if Shiela from down the road has time to look great, what’s my excuse? I really must be a pathetic failure.”

Perhaps you’ve gained a few extra lockdown pounds, or weight is something you’ve become accustomed to throughout life. Or maybe you have the opposite experience: you’ve not been able to gain weight and you’re worried people judge you for your A-cups.

All these signals from social media affect our confidence, and especially in the bedroom.

Here are a few elements that are making you feel less attractive in the bedroom:

1. comparisonitis

It’s easy to say “stop comparing yourself to others” but that’s what we naturally do, even with ourselves when we see holiday pictures from ten years ago: “Oh I had a lovely figure back then. Why did I ever think I needed to lose weight?”

The issue is things from outside get into our heads, and no amount of compliments from your other half can shift the belief that:

“I’m not good enough!”

“He wishes I was like that actress from the film we watched the other day.”

“He’s going to run off with Sheila from down the road!”

If you’re going to compare, then you need something more positive to compare yourself to.

your conquer comparisonitis toolkit:

keep a list of your life accomplishments

Your list will only get bigger and bigger as you go throughout life, from painting the kitchen to making the perfect costume for school or fixing a tyre all by yourself. Every time you do something that you’re the tiniest bit proud of, you need to write it down in a notebook or a spreadsheet.

keep a compliments diary

The power of compliments seems to evaporate after five minutes. If someone tells you your hair looks nice and you step out into the windy street, the compliment feels irrelevant somehow. That was a compliment for me from ten minutes ago, not any more. It’s all over for me!

It’s the same when you do a great piece of work or cook a fantastic meal. You soon forget anyone’s said anything nice at all. Instead of letting these compliments pass you by, keep a record of the date, the compliment and who said it.

That way, when you’re having a down day, you can refer back to this list and it will give you an instant boost.

2. negative self-talk

Self-talk is the most potent form of self-sabotage there is. It’s as though you have a bitter parent in your ear putting you down all the time because they don’t want you to enjoy life.

Nobody even needs to insult you, because you’re probably doing such a fine job yourself.

here are ways you can combat it:

belittle the thought

Whenever that voice in your head starts, then simply say “I’m just having one of those critical thoughts again”. That way, you acknowledge it but you pay it no heed, which takes limits its power.

repeat positive statements to yourself each day.

Write a list (yes, another list) of ten things you love about yourself and read them out loud in front of the mirror every day.

counter your negativity with positive self-talk

Have you ever felt that you actually really love something about yourself but you don’t admit to it, because you want someone else’s affirmation first?

You don’t need to give importance to anyone else’s opinion of you – Yours is the one that counts.

But if you still want it, let My Love Bunny give you permission to think you’re fantastic ALL THE TIME.

Speak openly about the things you love about yourself so your brain gets to hear it more and more and you’ll stop worrying about what people think of your boobs/bum/birthmark/whatever it is.

3. unfollow accounts that make you unhappy on social media

If you’re seeing lots of “before/after” pics and scantily clad models in your newsfeed, it’s time to cut your ties and build your social media up with content that makes you feel happy and positive, whether that’s body positivity accounts or cats, guinea pigs and travel photos. There’s more to life that abs and gym-enhanced buttocks, and your Instagram should reflect that.

what you can do to feel sexier and more confident with your partner

Here are a few tips for you to feel better about your body when in an intimate situation.

stop giving yourself a hard time

You don’t need to worry about your little pot belly or your stretch marks when you’re with your lover. Remember that they already chose you because of your smile, your laugh, your scintillating personality or your sheer sex appeal. They’re not going to take off your top and feel duped or disappointed – They’re happy and excited to be with you here and now, so embrace that.

Often, it’s what makes us different from everyone else that attracts a partner, so stop wishing you’re something else and start loving being you!

pick out a sexy outfit

It could be a lacy bra and knickers or a corset: something you wouldn’t wear every day to do the school run or the shopping. This is you stepping into your sensual zone! Have fun picking out your outfit and make it part of your bedtime ritual.

use low light

Everyone looks even better in low light when your best bits are foregrounded by the shadowy contrast. You can also feel a bit safer and cosier under the cover of darkness.

put on some music

People joke about having a sex playlist, but there is something about music that puts you in touch with another part of yourself that’s less concerned with appearances and shame – It transports you to a different place where you’re more inclined to reconnect with your body and your more visceral emotions.

keep something on

Leaving on a necklace or a pair of stilettos can heighten the cheekiness of the moment and make you feel extra confident. It could even be something as unremarkable as your partner’s button-up shirt. This covers up parts of you you’re worried about showing and there’s something very intimate about wearing your lover’s clothes.

be in the moment

1 in 10 people have admitted to looking at their phone during intercourse, but even if you’ve never gone to those extremes, there’s nothing less conducive to a sexy moment than drafting your mental to-do list for the next day. Mindfulness during sex means observing the present, which helps you feel connected. Don’t worry about reaching climax – Enjoy the stage you are at, and don’t put pressure on yourself.

be open with your lover

Sometimes embarrassing things happen during sex and that’s completely normal – Don’t be shy, and be prepared to have a giggle. This is all part of the intimacy that makes the experience different from a choreographed love scene in the movies.

Being able to share your desires, fears and fantasies with your partner is what makes you a team, so treasure funny moments and admit your apprehensions. Cherish each other and the marvellous memories you’re making.

When you’re in a safe relationship where you can have fun together, body issues can start to take a back seat and make more room for a thriving sex life. Make the most of it with My Love Bunny’s confidence-boosting lingerie range.